ICEFANG : CLOUD CLAN

[vida]

icefang

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for her icy blue eys & her sharp-tongued nature[/font]
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AGE twenty one moons
GENDER she-cat
RANK warrior
CLAN cloud clan

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LOOKS at first glance, once can definitely tell what lineage icefang carries. she's been a siamese, and there's no doubt about that. despite not having warriors for parent and no actual pedrigree, icefang's breed is fairly clear. she has a small frame, thickened slightly by her dense coat. her long, slender legs, paired with medium sized paws to match, each pure white, seem to glide through the sand and mossy terrain her camp has settled in. she isn't quite muscular. instead, she's built for speed and agility, which helps her when navigating past obstacles in the grasslands. two round, chilling blue eyes pop like pale sapphires upon her charmingly doll-like face, crowned by two furry-tipped ears and and adorned with a face-full of feathery whiskers. her nose is cold, wet, and a soft shade of pink. she moves with long, swift steps, and is often spotted hunting rather than socializing with friends. white as fresh snowfall, and brown as soil, lavender is adorned with a soft bi-colored pelt. the length of her coat is short and plush, keeping out chill of leafbare and cooling her during the heat of newleaf.

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LIKES mice, the color purple, sparkly things, being right, her daddy, dove feathers, training apprentices, winter, the word "mousebrain," that very attractive tom who just earned his warrior name, stealing food, scoffing at sissy she-cats, quiet cats she can boss around, scoring fresh kills, winning, sneaking around camp, her brothers, pantherstorm (*cue dreamy sigh*), early mornings, late nights, fresh snow, watching the seasons change
DISLIKES filthy rogues, frogs, the word “no”, idiots, the scent of bile, the drowsy effect of poppy seeds, snarky she-cats, thunder storms, spiders, medicine cat's den, getting her coat muddy, tall heights, deep water, clan history, doing clan chores in general, liars, sexism, creepy toms
FEARS Overwhelming amounts of frogs, toads, lizards, and turtles, losing pantherstorm, being stuck scenting out rogue cats forever, drowning, falling from tall heights, being attacked by predators.
HOPES to be better at combat, to be accepted by pantherstorm & the rest of her clan, to be less emotionally fragile, to become deputy just to shove it in the rest of the clan's faces, to eat all she wants without ever gaining extra weight,

OVERALL

ice • fang

[ ahys - fang ]

NOUN:

1. a reasonably insecure cloud clan she-cat
2. one who constantly ignores the word 'no'
3. a girl named for her chilling blue eyes and sharp attitude
4.a certified mousebrain
5. one who would not be able to live without her brothers
6. a rule breaker
7. one who may run fast be has never been able to throw a punch
8. a she-cat who rarely displays heartbreak in public
9. one who can never keep a promise

VERB:

1. to act completely disgusted by how lame, pointless and useless everyone (except panthersotrm, of course *cue dreamy sigh*) is
3. to be very over the top
4. to make terrible jokes & obnoxiously laugh at them
5. to not go a single hour without cursing
6. to have never seen a two-leg
7. to be allergic to many medicines
8. to leave many tasks unfinished, even with the strongest of motivations
9. to love very easily and very fast, often resulting in sickening and frequent heartbreak
10. to give her friends (what friends?) annoying nickname


SYNONYMS: confident, reckless, blunt, spoiled, egotistical, stubborn, emotional, cocky, flirtatious, vain, brat, insecure...

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PAST


your daddy tells you that you are the prettiest kit in all of cloud clan.

so you do what every child does when their parents tell them something.

you believe him.
________________________________________

daddy was deputy of the clan many years ago, before his betrayal with dusk clan.

daddy was the most handsome in his warrior crank.

daddy was given all sorts of gifts and compliments while he was still popular the warriors.

you're given your first gift when you're three moons old. it's pretty white dove feather found by your daddy, meant for good luck.

feeling confident with your newly bestowed luck, you march out of the queen's den and size all the other apprentices up. you smile and feel badly for them because you know they're bound to fail their training. they're going to lose, no way can they succeed because there can only be one true warrior.

and that warrior will be you.

"this is my favorite thing in the whole world!" you declare as you parade around with the flimsy piece of feather between your teeth. "i'll keep it forever!" your promise to cherish something superficial worries your mother, as it should. she doesn't say anything to daddy until you throw a tantrum the week after, when she tells you that you can't have your very own rabbit for breakfast.

in the process of the tantrum you break the dove's feather as if it never meant a thing to you.

"darkfang, you have to tell your daughter 'no' from time to time. she's becoming intolerable!"

he can't though, because you are his little princess. his youngest and his only daughter, two ranks that give you rights since the day you were born. it doesn't help that he spends too much time worrying that you'll forget him when he's away defending his clan but he worries in vain because there are two things that define you.

you don't take no for an answer.

and you've got a memory that's (dangerously) as sharp as a tack.

________________________________________

you meet him when you're five moons old.

your brothers have both gone off into the wood for apprentice training and you can hardly stand the wait, you want to join them so badly that some nights you can't even sit still. you're ready to meet your new mentor and do what you do best.

you're ready to be the best.

it's almost pathetic that you have such a uppity attitude, especially because you're only a kit. on top of that you're really not as great as you think you are.

that's what you get for basing your life off a flimsy bird feather and a daddy's biased love.

you'll always remember the first time you heard the word 'no.'

you've heard it plenty of times before from your mother and your brothers, but you always had daddy's protection.

this time the word comes from a eight moon old tom who sits alone on the edge of the forest-cloud clan border, lining up his collection of fresh kills. they catch your eye right away and you trot over confidently, figuring that surely you'll soon be in possession of at least one of the kills.

you're boisterous even when you first approach cats and it's no different with him.

you don't socialize much with other kits. you think most of them don't fight well enough or are too dirty or just completely ridiculous and immature. you think you're above them, all of them, but warriors can't stand you either. you're completely insufferable, so you spend most of your days alone or with the queens.

you come to a halt in front of him and intentionally block the sun so that he's in your shadow. you've got a smirk on your lips that some cats wouldn't at all mind wiping off your face, even if you're just a kid.

"let me have one of your mice!"

you're not polite or even humble in asking. as you wait for his reaction you take the time to notice his dark pelt and eyes that almost seemed to entrance you. they have such an effect on you that you sidestep so that the sun filters onto his frame and your smug smile turns into a real smile.

your father can catch your any prey that you might ask for, but that's not the point and you know it. suddenly it's not about the mice but more about the tom. any prey your father would catch wouldn't matter because it would never have been in this toms' possession, this tom with the stubborn smile and eyes that you could simply fall in to.

as you grow older you do fall into them, more than once.

it's a dangerous game you play, and the only game you can't win at.

but that's then and this is now and he shakes his head. "no, they're mine."

in an instant he has accomplished a feat that no one else in your life has; he has rendered you speechless.

"i guess i should have been more clear. give me the mouse!"

again, "no."

he isn't impressed by you and that completely steams you up because how dare he?

"what?" you seem to want an explanation but you don't know how to ask for one. you've never had to before.

"i said no."

he doesn't even seem phased by you, or even flustered at your brashness. he only seems... embarrassed for you, the way he sweeps his eyes to the ground. suddenly you're embarrassed and you're pissed that a nameless tom can make you feel so small, knocking you down from your self-constructed pedestal.

"what's your name? is it 'no' too?"

"that's an awful attempt at a joke, you know. my name is pantherpaw.”

“can i call you pan?"

“no.”

you still call him pan to this day, and he still never gave you any of his mice, as if to remind you that you can't always get what you want.

he doesn't realize that the only thing that you truly want that you can never have is a boy tom pantherpaw with those eyes that have killed you more than once.
________________________________________

you don't see him again that whole moon but you're an apprentice now and you don't have time to worry about some tom who had left you speechless. it's when you turn seven moons and are strolling towards your first dusk-cloud clan alliance meeting that you see him again, and for the second time in your life you are left speechless because what are the odds?

your older brother is much more charismatic and open than you are and makes you sit with him because he knows how you can come off in a new setting. your level of volume is enough to turn most cats off. add to the fact that you think the world is meant to serve you and only you and it's almost impossible for your older brother to see you making any friends, even forest clan friends.

he tries to coach you, to tell you just to be kind and not a self-righteous little brat, but right when you step into the clearing you yank a piece of rabbit out of another apprentice's paws while merrily skipping away.

when you're put into the back of the group, the bad corner, you smile at your brother because aren't bad girls supposed to be cool and popular? he seems to read your mind as he shakes his head, no it doesn't give you an excuse... but you've learned to be blind and deaf to anything involving the word or signal for 'no'.

you spend most of your time at those boring alliance meeting staying close to the queens because they never tell you no and never dislike you as long as you flash them a sweet smile. the other times you're chatting with your dad, telling him about all of your friends and the adventures you go on.

except you don't have friends, not really. your brother was right, you should have just kept your head down and smiled more and talked less. you don't know how to change yourself, though. you don't know and you don't care.

everyone else should be changing their lame and boring attitudes, not you.

you're perfect just the way you are.

eventually you do find a friend among your own clan, a quiet she-cat who would follow anyone just to feel welcomed. she is the perfect friend because you're bossy and she lets you do all the talking and you sure do love the sound of your own voice.

for the first few minutes of debating it's just you and her and being busy trying to follow along with what the higher ranks are saying. when things finally settle down a bit you see him again, sitting alone at the far outer corner of his clan's mob of cats. you plop down beside him and inch forward a bit, even though you can hear perfectly fine.

"hey pan! you remember me?"

he does and you smile and go to inch forward closer to the rest of dusk clan but he gently grabs your outstretched paw and pulls it back. he’s right, his clan is to dangerous. nothing he does is ever mean or boisterous or loud. he's like an extra terrestrial and you desperately wish to figure him out but he's enigmatic and you're impatient and all you can seem to do is be annoying around him.

"if we're going to be friends we better have some ground rules."

you agree to all of them but you're sitting there in the dangerous boundaries of dusk clan thinking that rules are meant to be broken.
________________________________________

by the end of your apprentice training you've broken all of his rules on so many different levels but you learn to apologize for them and sincerely mean it which is shocking all on its' own.

you still think you know everything.

you still give yourself way too much credit for absolutely everything.

but instead of everything about you being negative there are some positives in your personality and because they are new they shine quite brightly.

it has always been you against the world, trying to make everyone believe your cockiness. so when you realize how much you depend on him it startles you.

it disgusts you when you realize you love him.

he's everything you aren't and you shouldn't ever feel this way about someone because you're only used to feeling this way about yourself.

for the third time he makes you speechless and you feel awkward around him because you don't know what to say. he must know something is off because you two have been so close for four years now and you really get to know a person when you spend that much time with them.

like how you know that he is about to say something witty (in that endearing dry way of his) by the slightest curve of his lips.

or how he flicks his ears (the right ear always moves a little more than the left) when he's deep in thought.

or like how he has become more...brooding, if that is even the word. something has changed within him too, but you know its' not for the same reason as why you have changed and you're thankful for it.

you're stupidly in love with the only cat who can really stand you and you don't think its' wise to ruin something that's so strangely wonderful, especially over something as hollow as second year love.

after all, he's dusk clan and you're cloud clan. your secret meeting can't persist and neither can your love for him. it has to end.

so you doll yourself up all nice and pretty and go find a tom who doesn't understand you at all and who you don't want to understand. you like him because he's daft and it's easy to love yourself more than you love him. you're cocky around him and unbearable and you feel like your old self again but it doesn't feel as good as it once did.

when he breaks up with you it pisses you off, not because you like him in the slightest but because you hate not having control over things and not being able to get the last word in.

you find pan easily because you know all of his secret spots and you're clawing things and cursing the fool for dumping you.

"pantherstorm, how dare he!? who does he think he is?!"

pan is quiet but so loud and you want to tell him that you're better than him and that could he please speak up, no shut the hell up, just shut up and stop being what everyone wishes you would be.

"calm down."

he has that effect on you and you want to feel calm and sit next to him and laugh at inside jokes that seem so insignificant but mean the world to you. you wonder when he changed you and you wonder when it became okay for him to change you. you never let anyone else do it, so why him?

you love him but you know he'll never love you back because you're explosive and infuriating and probably unstable, and not to mention very-very cloud clan.

you're icefang, the only one in the world and that counts for something, right? he has stifled your cockiness for so long, but it feels wonderful as it bubbles and spills out.

"you can't tell me what to do."

and you storm out of forest clan like its' his fault and you wonder why it feels like you just messed up everything good in your life with just seven hollow words.
________________________________________

one minute you're a bomb and the next you're a stuttering kit and it doesn't take long for you to feel horrible about what happened at the end of your apprentice moons. you know you shouldn't take it out on him that you love him.

he's beautiful and right and you're ugly and wrong and its' the first time you admit it to yourself.

you visit your meeting place during newleaf expecting him to be there too, and maybe this time you won't be so terrible.

"pan, i'm sorry for breaking all the rules and taking things out on you that weren't your fault. now say you're sorry for being so quiet lately and send me a mouse and i'll find it in my heart to forgive you!"

he accepts your apology but refuses to give you any mice. you smile and everything feels right again, as you promise to never tell him how you feel about him.

but promises, like rules, are meant to be broken.
________________________________________

sometimes you feel like he knows that you must have this massive crush on him, how blind can a tom be? you try to hide it but then he laughs at something you say or pokes his paw into you playfully or asks you how it's possible for a young warrior to be such a brat. you get goosebumps when he accidentally brushes past you and it gets so bad that you try to find a way to control goosebumps or blushes or anything.

there's no way to control unrequited love except memory loss and you refuse to lose the one person in life who puts up with you.

that leafbare you decide to take a job assisting your father on dawn patrol.

it's an important job, definitely, but what you do mostly scenting out forest clan cats and less kicking butt. the cats who have patrolled there longer deal with the actual confrontation and all you can do is sit back and let them take care of business.

they follow trails and track the rogues, and if dead prey are found on your border then it's your job to call the elder warriors. you'd like to confront rogues but you have no great strength other than your ability to run at high speeds. pantherstorm had always been jealous of that ability, your only ability. maybe in a few years you'll be as skilled as us, they tell you, and you roll your eyes as you sniff out more and more trails.

mostly all of your fellow clan members hate you and your attitude, as they haven't been able to tame it. nobody but pantherstorm has, in fact, but there's one soft-spoken she-cat who sometimes sits with you at lunch and speaks to you like a kit. at first you're annoyed but once she starts telling you stories of the battles she has fought you show interest and lose the uppity attitude with you.

one day she has the guts to ask you why you've got such an attitude.

no one has ever asked that, and you're speechless and it reminds you too much of pan. "hey! i don't have an attitude problem." the lie sounds silly and you sigh. "okay, maybe a bit of one. i'm the youngest and the only girl. my dad spoiled me tons, but its' not his fault. i just always was this way. nobody ever pointed my personality traits out to me until i met my best friend. by the time he did i was just an apprentice and it was kind of too late. there's nothing wrong with knowing you're great, though. and hey! if you know a bunch of stuff why not share it with the world?"

the she-cat laughs before asking, "so you know who you are and that it is off putting to others and you still haven't changed? and why was your best friend the only one to point this all out to you?"

"i tried to change once. i tried to change for someone. but he only seemed to get more distant and i don't think he noticed. and because pan is...just pan. he's honest and quiet but he's patient and gentle. he's...i don't know. he's pan."

the cat nods. "he seems great."

there was an awkward silence before she puts a paw on your shoulder. "and that cat you tried to change for...he's obviously worth it. some toms just don't notice what is right in front of them because they're scared. you can't leave things hidden, though, because after awhile it'll all accumulate and once you try and get it off your chest i promise you it won't be as easy as it would have been before."

"...so i should tell him?"

"you tell me, miss know it all. what feels right?"

you suddenly have a mission, unaware that it has the potential to destroy you.
________________________________________

you used to only put yourself on a pedestal but now pantherstorm has his own pedestal and he's glorified in your eyes.

but everything changes when you muster up the courage to tell him.

when you meet him at nightfall he seems distracted and withdrawn. he seems like he wants to tell you something but you like being first in everything you do so you quickly let the words flow. how can something you've been hiding for moons and moons come out so easily in thirty seconds?

"pan i...i have to tell you something."

he looks at you with those eyes, those fucking eyes that could turn you to stone.

"i used to think i was the only cat in the world who mattered. i met you and all of that changed and suddenly you're just as important and everything about you is...just...perfect. everything. and i...it's too hard to be your friend when all i can think about is how much i want to be with you...how much i want you..."

he looks at you and you do turn to stone and you turn and run away. when you get to your camp the tears burn your face and you realize that you were wrong.

you are the only one who matters after all.

your mossy bed gets damp with your tears and you tear down pans' pedestal and tell yourself that he isn't all that great, no, not at all.

you wonder when it became so easy to lie to yourself.

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OTHER n/a